our little world turned upside down....

This is the first quiet moment I have had in a week. 

I know there are phone calls to return, emails to write, dishes from neighbors to wash, a suitcase to unpack and thank you notes to send. But the only thing I want to do is sit down and write about the emotional week I have just experienced. A week that has changed my heart forever. A week that has made me think about my life and the people who I share it with. A week that put my life back into the proper perspective.

I can honestly say it was the WORST but yet most BLESSED week of my life.

Last week Clint and I were living it up in Chicago having the best time together (more on that later). Now looking back on everything that has transpired, I know we were supposed to take this trip together for a reason before the madness enter our lives. On the way home from Chicago, Clint experienced 2 seizures on the plane. They were so severe that we were minutes of diverting the plane somewhere in Kansas (I think). Luckily, there were 2 nurses on board who were able to sit with him and monitor his vitals. They decided we could make it to Phoenix if we hurried. I'm sure all of the passengers were happy because we arrived 25 minutes ahead of schedule!

Witnessing one of these seizures, or "episodes" as we call them, is the most scariest thing I have ever seen.
It's as if he is home but no light's are on, if you know what I mean. But the episodes he had on this flight were the most heart breaking.

They asked him "Do you know where you are at?"
"No."
"You are flying. Do you know where you were flying from?"
"No."
"Do you know where you are flying to?"
Looking very confused he responded "No."
Then the last question I will never forget.
"Who is this?" pointing to me in the aisle.
"I think it's my sister."

I completely lost it in front of a bunch of strangers on the plane. Having your partner in life not recognize you is devastating. I understand it wasn't Clint talking, but just to hear those words come out of his mouth made me sad.

When we landed Clint was rushed to St. Joseph's hospital in Phoenix. I was so relieve to be on the ground and not thousands of miles up in the air. After a few days of testing, the results came back that he was born with a condition called Calvernis Malformation. I am not a doctor but this is what I understand it to be. Basically, it is where the blood vessels on your brain get tangled up and start squeezing one another. The squeezing creates a tear in the vessel forcing it to spill blood onto the brain. His MRI showed that he had old blood present which means he had a tear a while ago (we don't know when) and fresh blood. Having blood on the brain is super toxic and can cause major problems. We are very lucky that we found out when we did.

Then we were told what our options would be. The most effective way to treat his condition was to have brain surgery. I was like oh no, that's not happening....next option please! But the other option would be to to have him take medication for 6 months and then have brain surgery. Since we weren't getting out of the surgery we decided that we should just do it and get it over with. And luckily for us the surgeon had a slot open the next day at 1:00. The scariest thing about the news was that the calvernis was sitting on the frontal lobe which houses your memory and  personality. I told the doctor that he better not cut out the part of his brain that holds his law memory because there is no way on this good green earth that I could do law school again. I was speaking for Clint too.

After the neurosurgeon left the room I remember standing by the window thinking this isn't happening, right? This is just a bad dream. But the moment I looked over at Clint laying in a hospital bed with tears rolling down his cheeks, I knew it wasn't a dream. This was our new reality.We cried a lot that afternoon. We hugged each other tighter than we ever had before. There were so many emotions running through us. We were so scared. When I drove home that night, I literally felt like I had been run over by a huge Coke truck. Hey, if I was going to be hit by any truck I'd rather it be by a product I like :)

The next 12 hours were frantic. I had so much to take care of before the surgery. I hadn't slept in days but somehow I had the energy to get things in order. The biggest worry of mine were my 3 sweet babies at home who had no idea that their daddy was hours away from having brain surgery. I tried to hold it together but when I saw their little faces I couldn't help but cry. Cry because I have been blessed with the most precious little family and the thought of losing Clint entirely or having him come out of the surgery a different person made me cry even harder. I was a mess. Thankfully I had family and friends who were helping me every step of the way. The kids hadn't seen Clint in a week since he hadn't been home from our vacation yet. I drove them to the hospital so they could visit with him for a few minutes before the surgery. They drew him darling pictures, gave him countless kisses, and thought it was so funny that Daddy was wearing a dress :)

Right before Clint was wheeled into the pre-op room, our thoughtful and supportive Bishop, his first counselor, and the Elder's Quorum President greeted us with a smile and reassurance that everything was going to be okay. We both received beautiful blessings giving us words of comfort and strength. After the blessings we left for surgery. Walking down the hall way I kept thinking this is crazy, I can't believe this is happening, what if I lose Clint forever? Once we were in the pre-op and the many nurses were prepping him medically and prepping me emotionally I thought I was going to pass out. So much information, so many risks. Then Clint did something that changed my mood and put a huge smile on my face. After Clint took off his undies from under "his dress", the anesthesiologist gave him some powerful stuff to make him super loopy. Clint yells out to the entire pre-op floor "Let's get this party started....I already have my pants off!"  We all busted out laughing. Then he was gone.

The next few hours while Clint was under; my faith was tested to the max, my heart was comforted by family and friends, but time seemed to move so slowly.

Then I got the phone call, the call that put all my worries to rest. His surgeon said the surgery went flawless. That is my new favorite word now. I was so relieved. I immediately sent a text to family letting them know the great news. My heart was full of gratitude.

He has been recovering amazingly ever since. I call him my "walking miracle" because of how great he is doing. Remarkable really. The long road to a full recovery is ahead of us but the worst part is over. And we made it through it, together. I believe it is because of the faith that we had, the prayers, fasts, and blessings that were given on our behalf, and the skill of our talented neurosurgeon. We are BLESSED.

I am touched from the amount of love and support that we have received this last week. From family members to even strangers, we have been included in their thoughts and prayers. You will never know how much it has meant to me and my little family. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

From Clint's Blog

Currently, a sweet friend is setting up a blog to update Clint's recovery. I'll give you the info as soon as it is set up!